March 11th, 2010

  The SPOTS troop performed two skits for the Comfrey junior high today, and the responses were very reserved. I knew that seventh and eighth graders wouldn't raise their hands to ask questions about anorexia and depression even if we bribed them with Tootsie Rolls. They're at that age where they know all the routes to becoming the subjects of condemnation. Saying anything, either reluctantly or with confidence, is like asking for attention. The goal of so many 13 or 14-year-old is to let no one else know that they need love. They think that by being quiet, they are strong. That's how I lied to myself during those years. I convinced myself that I could fight my own battles when all I did was hide in a hole.
  Depression is a hard thing to classify, a hard thing to talk about, and a hard cross to bear. It's hard to admit it, and people tend to find things that make them more comfortable with the problem. Instead of breaking free, they decorate the cages.
  There are three levels to every person: there is the light, the darkness that shuts out the light, and the pictures they draw on the dark canvas to cover it up because they think that that's what they're supposed to do. Cover it up. Don't look at the dark tunnel because there's no end. It just gets deeper and deeper, and then you lose yourself completely and you might actually get to the point where you abide in this darkness because a small part of you knows that the light is coming and it scares you. Light can blind you. It can burn you. But it can also help you see what was lost in the darkness. It can warm you, guide you, and show you everything real. In the darkness, you're stuck imagining what's around you. You fall asleep, you're caged, and you don't know who you are or what you're doing. And then there's the surface. The false smiles, the defense mechanisms, the medications, the psychologists. Your facade falls to pieces and that's when darkness comes into play. The common mistake people make is that a person needs to cope with the darkness by painting over it. What people don't realize is that the pitch black room one might abide in is a cover itself. There is light, which can't cover anything. It can only enhance everything real. I wish everyone knew this; I wish I could show this to people in a way that will make them suddenly wake up and find this light that leads to God.